Monday, May 28, 2007

Hills CAN Make You Stronger

Thanks everyone for their comments and emails to help me get over my "hill" about Dave's training plans. We're fine again and stronger than before, actually. It's been tough with him traveling nearly full-time the past couple years. There have been countless good byes, I love yous, I miss yous and welcome homes, but many things not said, come to find out. For instance, I had no idea he'd been planning to do this particular bike training plan for quite a while so it just seemed to come out of the blue. But now I know that he actually has been preparing himself for it and looking forward to it. We're going to work out a way that he can do it without me getting any more gray hairs.

I must admit that some of this was also the result of bad timing as well ... he told me just when my PMS monster had gotten loose! Yup, it was rearing its ugly head snarling and just looking to pick a fight, unfortunately. It's been a while since that nasty bugger got out, but the 3 conditions for its unwelcome appearance happened to occur this weekend: 1) the monthly P loomed, 2) Dave happened to be home, and 3) I had not exercised much this week (still recovering from my last race), which usually keeps it at bay.

Ladies, I know you probably know what I mean and guys, if you don't, beware ... Anyway, I realized later that much of my poor handling of the situation was hormone-related and apologized.

The other interesting thing is that my step-daughter, the person closest to both Dave and I, said something very insightful that made me realize something about myself. In her email to me, she said:

"Finally Shirley, I'm sorry but I don't think it helps to ask such a long list of people for their advice about your first really big fight in years. None of us are experts, so it sounds more like an attempt to get people to validate your opinion, and thus gain ammunition against Dad, than to really have an honest discussion to solve the problem."

You see, I've usually been a very private person in the past and, indeed, to ask for help from others on personal issues would have been very out of character. It would have been much more my style to stick to my guns, hold everything in until I could stand it no more and then explode. And the same with Dave, and probably Katie too. Hence, our few big fights have been real knock-em down, drag'em outside, kick'em in the head and then kick'em some more fight-fests ala the UFC ... figuratively, of course. (For those who don't know, we both have black belts in karate).

But because I don't interact with others much on a daily basis any more, blogging has become my main form of communication with people and also my main means for staying sane. Without a doubt, I can much easier write down what I'm feeling in a blog than pick up a phone and talk to someone about it. Another sad but true statement is that I also think I have many more friends out there in the blog-cyber-virtual world than I have here locally so reaching out to them for help is now second nature and it definitely beats bottling up emotions until I burst.

So thank you again, family and friends, for being there and responding so quickly to my plea for help. Though Dave and I both lost some sleep about it yesterday, there was relatively little "blood" drawn, we set a new shortest fight time PR (personal record), and Dave didn't even have to buy me 3# of Skittles to try to appease the PMS monster, which he's done in the past.

Hope everyone has a safe Memorial Day holiday. This will probably be my last blog entry until I return from Hawaii mid-June.


petra duguid said...

Hey Shirley - great to hear you two have straightened things out. Sometimes arguments can work out to make things a lot stronger between you and it sounds like that has happened.
Have a great recovery and a wonderful time in Hawaii - enjoy yourselves! Love from a cold and wet England..

Brent Buckner said...

Safe travels!

Susan said...


I also find it easier to type out problems than to actually speak of them!

Maddy said...

I'm sorry to hear you were arguing, and not that it makes it any easier, but it happens to all of us.

I'm glad you worked it out. You wouldn't have argued with Dave if you didn't care about him.

Have a safe and wonderful trip.

I will miss you, my friend, while you're gone.

Cory said...

Safe travels and good training. Your openness is refreshing and healthy. Glad it is all better.

Karen said...

Hi Shirley! First of all, congrats on your race. You did so incredibly well. Secondly, glad to hear you've worked things out with your husband, but I'm a bit surprised at your daughter's comments. Everything OK there?

Enjoy your vacation in Hawaii. Wish I were going too!

Wendy said...

Enjoy Hawaii!

I, too, type better than I talk!

ShirleyPerly said...

It's great to hear that others too find typing easier than talking :-)

Karen, thanks for your comment. I should have made it more clear that Katie's remarks were just an excerpt from a much longer, very supportive email she sent Dave and I. She's only 21, though, and her views just reflect the way she thinks. I value her honesty and appreciate her being one of the first to respond.

Rural Girl said...

I'm just catching up with you. Unfortunately, I have no great advice regarding the biking plans. As for blogging your concerns, I think if it leaves you feeling better and your husband is not offended than it is a good thing. What works for you does not work for everyone else. Actually, I think blogging about your feelings and worries is courageous. You're opening yourself up to others and personally I think this can be very hard.

Cliff Tam said...

One of the tips i heard about arguement is write down how you feel. You might not have to send it to him.

At least afterwards you can realistically see if what you say is real or is it base on emotions.

Don't worry i tink guys get 'PMS' as girls do. We just hold it all inside until it explodes :D

ShirleyPerly said...

Cliff, I'd heard that writing was therapeutic but never liked doing so until I started blogging.

Fortunately, Dave is supportive about it and even enjoys reading my stuff (so I write fully knowing this). And when it comes to friends, esp. guy friends, he prefers I hang out with them in blog world vs. real world, so that works for both of us.

Aloha Everyone!!!

Susan said...

Shirley - where are ya? Your blog has been quiet for AGES!